Dirty Dave's Compilation of Long Jokes, part 3, ...

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...' At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the rigs.'


A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen maskover his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficultsurgery. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial spongebath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testiclesblack?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'monly here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to askagain, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevatehis vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes herembarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises hisgown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Shetakes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, veryclosely... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"


A car bomb was found outside Lakemba Mosque today.

Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque...

I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...

I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.

I just love the part where she takes her ring off amd walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off!